results

So the blood test came in and the normal number for Rheumatoid arthritis is 20 mine is 40 so I get to go see a specialist within a month or 2. He sent out my referral letter right away now I have to wait and see when I get to go see him or her. I have no idea what any of this means except I have a new name for all my joint pains. I will have to do some research now because I don't know anything about this. Thanks for all your support at least now we know there is something wrong and it has a name. I hope I spelled it right.
Sifu Jeannette Langner

Life's hard

I finally went and did my blood tests for inflammation in my joints. Such a simple test and yet I would not have done it otherwise. Being held accountable to the team has made me look into my health issues because they are preventing me from my training. My joints have been getting a little bit  worse as time goes on and If I was on my own I'm positive I would not have checked it out. After all I've put it off this long so why did I finally do it? Being accountable to all of you has helped me get to the doctors get the tests going to see what's wrong with me. My follow up is on
Friday at 9:15 am. It's because of the support I have with all of you that I signed up for the rooster team and we shall see why my joint aches are getting worse and not better. What I am trying to say very badly is that because of all of you I am actually looking out for myself. My joints do hurt more and more as time marches on and I need to find out why now and not when it's too late. So here's hoping for some news to explain what's going on with me. I will blog again Friday morning to give an update.
Sifu Jeannette Langner

vocabulary

This last meeting was very useful. I was able to increase my vocabulary for my acts of kindness. By giving myself more key words to recall myself to the moment of where am I and what am I doing I am able to be more aware of opportunities to be helpful or empathetic towards others. The first word I liked was gratitude. When we hear this word it makes me recall all the good things I have and start to look for ways to share or even express gratitude for acts of kindness. Being able to accept or give gratitude are harder to recognize and follow through with dignity. Not being condescending or worse yet feel undeserving of gratitude is marks of a negative trail. This path will ultimately go downwards so by recognizing it for the good thing that it is then we stay on the upward spiral of positivity. Which leads me to the second word of note reciprocating what has been done for you. what you put out comes back. With these two incredible powerful words added to the way I view acts of kindness I can find more opportunities to perpetuate my goals to a fulfilling conclusion that is satisfying for me.
Sifu Jeannette Langner
I will be going for my tests this morning and making my appointment for next Monday.

practice

Well I had a good class again on Thrursday night. I got to perform Tai Chi up until the end of part 3. I did it in front of everyone and listening to his comments. I was surprised to see how well I did with all the distractions. Doing the form made feel empowered because my nerves were absent and I was simply allowing my body to go through the moves I've been practicing this year. I am most proud of this because of my physical limitations I've had to deal with. So it felt good to put myself out there to see just how far I've come since the beginning of the year. I will admit to barely knowing parts 1,2,3 at the sart of the year. Yet I  was able to do it in front of everyone without stopping. To me it felt like I was in my own little universe just letting my body do what I've been training it to do these last 7 months of work. So yes all the practise really is worth the effort. This is what it's all about having these personal victories and then being able to share them with all of you makes this such a successful program. I am really looking forward to continuing my journey with you all for another year. So far this has been an interesting journey and it's not done yet so now to work on my recording of numbers so I can finally put my hand up at the meetings to say yes I am recording again. Performing helped me regain my self confidence and makes me want to do better so now my new goal is to keep up with the numbers.  sifu Jeannette Langner

learning

I'm seeing my kung fu in a new light. The revelations just keep on going. My Tai chi has really taken off due in large part to sifu Denis. Her tireless patience with me has been so valuable to me. I am hearing her advice in a whole new light thanks to my break through in sparring. Who knew It would have such far reaching effects. For example I am learning how to glide and not just step but placing my foot where I chose and when I chose. This sounds easy but it absolutely isn't. Having control over my footing because I place it there is so different than falling into step. I was walking through my forms now I want to glide with a sense of purpose because I will it so. This has had a huge impact on my chi resonance by actively placing and not falling I am in more control of my movements. I am hearing finally what is being said and I can thank the wonderful sparring class for giving me this clarity of thought. Sifu Jeannette Langner

Sparring 2

I've been thinking about my sparring class. It has really brought me to a new level of engagement. We had a sparring class and although this sounds normal I didn't get a whole lot out of them. Anxiety gave me nausea and a stomach ache and a feeling of inadequacy. So when receiving comments my brain would file it away under negative and not constructive comments due to the anxiety I would always feel when sparring. It's hard to put it into words but I want to give it a shot because I know I am not alone in my  old dislike for sparring. I put the qualifier old because I now have this gem of an evening to remember of how much fun I had and how good it felt for the first time ever. so if the anxiety comes back I can reflect on this amazing night and appreciate the value of all the help I have been receiving over the years. I started Kung fu in 1998. So it's been a long time in coming to overcome this apprehension of something so vital to our kung fu. I feel I've taken my next step towards mastery with this momentous occasion. To me this is a really significant turning point in my development where incremental progression has been realized in a positive way for me. My approach to kung fu has grown substantially because of this one night. I can't thank you all enough for helping me get here because this has truly been a group effort of patience and understanding on everyones part. I am truly thankful for all the feedback.I can honestly say I am hearing it with a new set of ears and it is exciting to understand what you all have been telling me for years. Sifu Jeannette Langner

sparring

Had a great class last night. Most of you may not know this about me but I've hated sparring since I've started. It would always make me feel anxious and I would get an upset stomach and It was usually tolerated by me in silence because it is a big part of learning kung fu. I had a class where we all started hitting each other in the face and that was how I was able to break my fear of it but the anxiety always remained. I had my usual reluctance to spar but I did it anyway because this fear I've lived with for so long needs to be put to rest. I am proud to say I sparred with everyone there and not once did I feel anxious or upset in anyway. This was a long road I've had to travel to get to this point where sparring no longer evokes a dread feeling inside of me. I had so much fun last night. I finally see why the others love sparring so much. The sense of safety and security I felt was amazing. I sparred last night and I had fun. To me this is a huge step forward in my training towards mastery because I can now think of sparring in a new light I can remember this night and recall how much fun it was and go forward with a new outlook of optimism. Thank you to all the black belts present for making this such a memorable night for me. I will cherish it always. Sifu Jeannette Langner

relative

It's amazing how we take life for granted. My uncle passed away today and I am left feeling very sad. We knew he was terminally ill and now he is at peace. I find myself pondering my own mortality and how we struggle with our own lives. I know we are all struggling to accept our own realities and for me losing him just reminds me how lucky I am to have this kind of problems. I hope none of you lose someone close to you to feel this way however if ever there is a positive to a death in the family it definitely bring us all together and reminds us all how precious our lives really are. So I will deal with what I can control and that is facing my recording of numbers again in order to build up my arms. Keep on blogging, Have that meeting I wanted with Sifu Brinker and show up to it. This blogging has helped a lot with this so thank you all for letting me share this with you. Sifu Jeannette Langner

be happy

I'd like to take a moment to reflect on what I do have going for me right now and not just dwell on the negative. For starters I just had a great holiday with my parents and they are both still healthy. I just got a great paycheck from my holiday pay at work. I had a good time last night with my husband last night talking about the possibilities of what to do with the windfall. I've got a solution to my health issues which will be followed up on August 2nd. My job is still fun and challenging to me. My dog is still my number one fan. My son is still being extraordinary. I can still do Tai chi forms and not hurt myself in the process of trying to do it. All in all this is really quite the impressive list of good things going on in my life and I thought it would be a good thing to share for a change to lift my spirits up. To tell you the truth this has made me very happy listing them all. So be Happy everyone when you think about it we are all very blessed when we change our outlook and see the positives in life. This has been a great morale booster for me I highly recommend it for anyone else. Take care Sifu Jeannette Langner

keep on going

Hello again. I had a good time at the meeting again. It is heartwarming to be able to share with everyone our stories. this is the best type of therapy a person could ask for. We are open and understanding of all our struggles with sustaining a healthy lifestyle. I've saved a ton of money by no longer going to Timmies for a coffee anymore. It seems like a small amount yet when you do the math over a month it is no longer a small amount. I am also enjoying fruits and vegetables as a part of my diet again. I wish I had more to say I will try for more next week, Sifu Jeannette Langner

fun day

That was a great Canada day celebration. I had a great time seeing everyone. We put out lots of great demos and we all had a blast. Well done Randy on making up those demos. I met a lot of old friends that day and it was nice to catch up with everyone. My holidays are at an end though and I'll be back on my night schedule again. The weather behaved for us and fun was had by all. We ended up with some good sized audiences for most of our demos it was a highlight of my day being able to participate in them. Sifu Jeannette Langner

good news

I got the best news ever this morning. As you know I've had physical problems and I promised an update on those problems. Here it is I have a totaly normal polyp and it is not cancerous I reapeat no cancer anywhere. I need a simple procedure to remove the polyp and I will be back to normal. The whole issue of not knowing was really affecting me more than I realized. I was so tense and moody and now that the wait is over and the drama of not knowing is all done I am so relieved. I guess you don't see the stress you put yourself through trying to be strong it really is a killer trying to stay strong all the time. You think you can handle it on your own but really the truth is I learned all of your support thoughout this waiting game is what helped me the most. Until this morning I didn't realize how much stress I created for myself. Talking  about it has been very helpful in dealing with my issues. For those of you not sure about the benifits of Blogging this has really been the best outlet to help me with my current situation. I will  be more consistent with the blogs after seeing how much I needed it. I am looking forward to July 1 I took my holidays and am switching  my sleep so I will be there all day. Have a great week and I will see you all thursday night. Sifu Jeannette Langner

update

So here's the good news. My blood test all say normal. now we have to wait for more tests to be preformed for some kind of results. I will know more by the 25th of this month. It's been a good week I'm starting to feel better. It's rough going trying to get back into the swing of things. I will keep on trying. My numbers need to start again. It's tough though to admit I've failed. I need to do the numbers because they are actually key to my continued good health. So yes onto better numbers this week. have a great week everyone. Sifu Jeannette Langner

health

Hello everyone. I am currently struggling with new health issues and I've got some tests to take for them so I can keep you posted on my progress. Hoping for the best because I'm acting on my symptoms right away before they get too bad.  I had a great time on Saturday helping with the float. It helped keep me engaged so that I contributed some. I hope you all had a great time out there. It really looked great when it left for the parade. Kudos to all of us involved in setting it up. Everyone there contributed making it a fantastic float. I am still able to continue with classes so I will see you all on Thursday. Sifu Jeannette Langner

So much FUN

Well another year for a great Pandamonium. I was terrified my boss was going to say no to my day off. He left to the last day to finally say yes. I was the happiest girl ever when I heard the good news. There is something so special about it every year for me and I've been to every opening so far and done the night shift every year. So here are this years numbers: Da Mu Hsing 5, Spear 6, Stick 1&3 10, Kempo 5, 18 temple motions 10, Mu lon Quon 3, My weapons form broad sword 20, and Tai Chi 60. I am very proud of my numbers again this year as always I was beat at the end of the morning. I thought sure I'll last to the Tai Chi class until 8:30 rolled around and I was beat down tried. I felt exhilarated for having done 60 reps of Tai Chi. The participants were enthusiastic and we all had a great night together. I feel so Blessed to have been able to attend another year. A big thank you to all who were there and continued the day on after me. I loved every minute of it.
 Sifu Jeannette Langner

too much work

This has been a tough week. It's actually my third week of overtime. Money's good but I am so tired all the time  I wake up eat go to work come home sleep then repeat. There is such a thing as too much overtime. It's taken a lot out of me and I miss my Kung fu. I am looking forward to pandamonium to have a break from work. 8 hours a day is plenty. these 12 hour shifts a messing with everything. I've missed classes and I hate it. I was in Tai Chi on Saturday and I really miss everyone. It was great to see you all again and I see how important this is to my life. Hopefully this week is better. We are all caught up at work for now so hopefully it stays that way for now. I am looking forward to some normal living again. take care all. Sifu Jeannette Langner

coffee

I came back from Mexico and I noticed a difference in my health. I've cut Timmie's coffee out of my diet. It sound small and insignificant bit it seems the coffee was doing me quite a bit of damage. I had cravings for it and I got upset stomachs more often as well as heart burn. Since my return I've only had one cup and actually it wasn't very good. So I am  breaking away from the addiction I had to the coffee. It's surprised me how much I was addicted to the taste of it and how it changed my taste buds. food is tasting better again without the taint of the Timmie's coffee. My stomach has settled down and heartburn isn't as bad as it was becoming. This sounds small but in our goal of mastery this is a huge step in my recovery. I didn't believe how much it was actually harming my system until I got rid of it again once and for all. Last summer I did a green smoothie cleanse and I had similar results however my habit of buying a Timmie's was to hard to break and I fell back into the trap of the coffee. I am proud to say I feel a whole lot better for having cut it out of my diet and I just wanted to share this personal victory with everyone. I can drink and appreciate regular coffees again but not with the same obsession as I was doing before. Tea's are a nicer substitute with so many more flavours to chose from I am enjoying my new found freedom from it. Take care one and all Sifu Jeannette Langner

keep on trying

I had a great time in Mexico. I managed my numbers ok and trying to do my forms on the sand really helped me with my centering. It showed me right away where I was lacking. So I managed to improve that  over my holidays. I'm proud to report I am able to show my weapons form 1.0. I feels good to have that accomplishment done. Now I have to get back into the swing of things and that is including my blogging. I found returning from Mexico my biggest struggle was changing back to evenings. I'm not quite there yet and it's caused me to be lazy with the numbers. I do know that it actually helps with the fatigue but my mind keeps saying you are tired or sore don't do the numbers. My body however is quite happy with me when I keep them up because recovery is that much swifter. So I'm putting it out there my mental struggle is beating me up and I do apologize for my lack of engagement. On a good note I have managed to stop drinking Timmy's coffee. I am feeling better without it and I am glad to have kicked the habit finally.
/sifu Jeannette Langner

mexico

I'm leaving for Mexico today. I was very quiet at the meeting because I was so tired. I hadn't gone to bed yet and changing schedules from night to days is hard. So I didn't try to say anything when I couldn't think straight. We leave at 11 am today and I got my sleep last night so I'm almost there with the sleep change. I am glad I did it now instead of on the plane. So I am bringing my journal book for my numbers and I plan on developing my form with all this Free time I will have. Vacations are great I can hardly wait for it . So signing off for now I will see you all in 2 weeks.Sifu Jeannette Langner

best laid plans

Here we are one week away form Mexico. I have so much I want done by then. So here is the kung fu plan. Bring book for recording numbers and writing down notes for new broad sword form. Make sure I use the training facility provided by hotel to get in reps and forms. At home I still want to clean up the kitchen and then all week long packing what we need for 2 week in the sun. Saturday is going to be busy I'll get off work then go to Tai Chi then get my nails done then go to Monkey meeting and stay up as late as I can to switch my sleep schedule to nighttime sleeping. I have to find a way to post while I'm there. Randy has a few ideas but I am not computer savvy at all. They provide a computer there but I don't know how to access this stuff from somewhere else. I am happy I am still attempting my daily numbers so that is a nice thing that is going good. I've had to do them modified due to aches and pains in my joints. I have even been reading other peoples posts to stay engaged. It is really helping me stay in the moment and make kung fu a priority again. Take care Sifu Jeannette Langner

try again

Another year has passed and here we are all ready to give it another go round. I met with sifu Brinker last week and it help me a lot. I am on week 2 of recording my push ups and sit ups. So I am ready for the new year to start with numbers finally and I'm blogging. It's true you sit down with a blank head then start typing and words come out and it keeps right on flowing. So I will try to keep in mind of mindful blogging and not just rambling. I know to start with I need to take things as they go . I will add as the time passes when I feel I can maintain what I have. This is one of the toughest journeys we are taking but doing it together like this is very comforting. everyone has struggles and everyone fails then we pick ourselves back up and try again. We never sop trying because then we really do fail when we stop trying. It's a good saying because it's soooo true. I don't feel like a failure when I keep looking for ways to succeed. All of you out there are my inspiration for trying harder and helping me want to succeed at this. Thank you all for your support and lets try again in the year of the Monkey Gooo team Sifu Jeannette Langner

priorities

I feel the need to go over this for myself a few more times. I value my job my husband and my kung fu. I know that I haven't been giving enough effort to my kung fu because I have no numbers to speak of right now.
My son is a huge influence on me by reminding me of the great talk I just had with Sifu Brinker and I shouldn't waste the opportunity to accomplish my goals for the year. So blogging first then numbers for kung fu then I can play games. Sounds easy yet it is still a struggle. I am trying to see my faults for what they are and how to go about adjusting my outlook on things. It's not eliminating my games just do it after my kung fu requirements are done then I can do as I please. I actually have plenty of time to get this done but by prioritizing my schedule I will have a more successful year at my kung fu. Thank you all again for your continued support in this ongoing journey we are all taking together. Sifu Jeannette Langner